Tuesday, June 18, 2024

The Acolyte: Lite

Last week's episode of the Acolyte is garnering a lot of hate online. I didn't hate it. I thought it was pretty funny. Recap follows.

Atop the Hoover Dam, OSHA and MAE are raised by a colony of lesbian mimes. Their mothers AUNTIE SEPTIC and DARTH MAULY demonstrate the Thread.

AUNTIE SEPIC: Children, we call it "the Thread." Other people, whom you have never heard of and will never meet, call it "the Force." It's important that you know they're wrong.
DARTH MAULY: Now watch as the power of one creates an invisible wind.
A lesbian mime flails in response.
MAE: Sign me up for that!
DARTH MAULY: And so you see the power of many. We are all individuals.
LESBIAN MIMES: We are all individuals!
OSHA: I'm not. I don't wanna be a lesbian mime.
DARTH MAULY: Too bad, there's no job economy atop the Hoover Dam. Get ready for the ceremony tonight.

The lesbian mimes perform a super-secret special ceremony to induct the children on top of the Hoover Dam. They fail to notice the JEDI sneaking up on them.

JEDI: 'Sup, witches?
DARTH MAULY: Get out of here, we certainly aren't hiding any children we couldn't possibly have.
JEDI: Like those two who are clearly hiding behind you? Hi, children.
OSHA: Wow, people other than the two dozen lesbian mimes I've lived with all my life!
JEDI: Hey kids, wanna join our cult?
OSHA: Are you lesbian mimes?
JEDI: No, joyless eunuchs.
MAE: Pass.
JEDI: But we carry laser swords and have qualified immunity!
OSHA: Sign me up for that!

The lesbian mimes order OSHA to flunk her Jedi tests.
JEDI: Don't think of the number three.
OSHA: Is the number three?
DARTH MAULY: Dammit! You fell for their Jedi mind tricks!
MAE: If you leave, it will destroy our family!
OSHA: So?
MAE: Well, I wanted to be the one to destroy our family.

A fire breaks out, all the lesbian mimes die from apparent asphyxiation.
OSHA: What have you done?
MAE: What have you done?
OSHA: What have you done?*

*actual dialogue

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