12 Days of Christmas Radio Shows, Part 12: "Berlin, 1945"

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

For this final day of Christmas I'm featuring a quiet drama from (what else) Quiet, Please. The story features a group of soldiers celebrating Christmas together in Berlin just after the end of World War II. As the soldiers yearn to be home and try to lighten their spirits, they're joined by a man who isn't a soldier, yet seems familiar to everyone in the room.

"Berlin, 1945" originally aired December 26, 1948 and was written by Quiet, Please's creator Wyllis Cooper. The man who spoke to you was Ernest Chappell.

Halloween Week, Day 7: "The Thing on the Fourble Board"

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

When I first heard the Quiet, Please episode "The Thing on the Fourble Board" I was doubly amazed; amazed that after so many years of listening to OTR there could still be a series I had never even heard of - and that the episode could be so good -- so scary!

I think most people who discover Wyllis Cooper's Quiet, Please enter via "The Thing on the Fourble Board." It's easily the best-known episode and that's probably why I haven't discussed it on this blog until now.

Ernest Chappell portrays "Porky," a roughneck working on an oil drill site in Wyoming. One night, Porky and his friend Billy discover something very odd among a recent drilling - a petrified finger. When the mud is removed from the finger, it vanishes from sight. And then the real terror begins.

"The Thing on the Fourble Board" aired on Quiet, Please on August 9, 1948. You can hear this episode at the Quiet Please website.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 31: "Don't Tell Me about Halloween"

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

"Uh, I'm going to kill my wife tonight. Or maybe tomorrow night. I mean, I'm gonna kill one of my wives. I better, or something's going to happen to me that won't be good. Well, Halloween's almost here. Halloween's the deadline. And Candace has to be dead before Halloween. Only trouble is, I'm not sure I'll recognize her when she shows up."

What better way to celebrate Halloween in Quiet, Please than with an episode all about Halloween? This time our hapless protagonist is the husband of a witch. It's a pretty sweet gig for him as she provides him with a long life. However, in-between Halloweens he proves to be an unfaithful husband and simply never seems to learn his lesson, no matter how many times his wife magically punishes him.

"Don't Tell Me about Halloween" was originally broadcast October 27, 1947. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

This concludes my month-long look at Quiet, Please. I hope you've enjoyed it and perhaps discovered some new favourite episodes!

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 30: "Very Unimportant Person"

"The Hollow Men. Ever read it? Lot of people were very fond o' quoting from it when T. S. Eliot got the Nobel Prize. Especially that part, 'This is how the world ends; Not with a bang but a whimper.' Well, it wasn't so, Mr. Eliot, you were wrong. Me? How do I know? I was there."

Wyllis Cooper was evidently a very religious man as so many episodes involve his Christian beliefs. Here, he marries theology with nuclear armageddon; our protagonist, a pilot, attempts to out-fly the mushroom clouds consuming all life on Earth, but his fuel supply is limited. And then, God himself takes a hand and offers the protagonist and the other survivors a choice.

"Very Unimportant Person" was originally broadcast December 5, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 29: "One for the Book"

"Once upon a time, when there were more lieutenants than lieutenant colonels in the Air Force and when you could tell a cadet by his blue suit like a mailman's, a thing happened. And if you think the boys from the bright blue yonder got snafued some time in this last war, brother, I'm here to tell you ain't seen nothin' yet. Because this was the largest, the most comprehensive, the doggonedest... Well, I have to tell you. And the thing about it is this snafu isn't over yet. It won't be over for nine years. Listen, I'll tell you."

This time Quiet, Please presents something of a science fiction tale. An Air Force officer is surprised to meet himself - his self from the future! It seems his future self traveled so fast that he landed his aircraft in the past!

"One for the Book" was originally broadcast November 21, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 28: "Good Ghost"

"I never did anything wrong in my life. That's why I was so upset when Schuster murdered me."

In this episode, Ernest Chappell portrays Gus, a real schmoe who - as the opening lines indicate - is dead. Having become a ghost with no direction for his unlife Gus tries to help the man who killed him by assisting him in his romance with Gus' sweetheart. Gus really is a good ghost who intends to perform good deeds, but he has his limits...

"Good Ghost" was originally broadcast October 24, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org. The Mysterious Old Radio Listening Society podcast also have an episode where they listen to and discuss "Good Ghost"; you'll find the episode on their website.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 27: "Thirteen and Eight"

"I don't remember when was the first time I seen him, I don't think. Was it the fire at the Havre Hotel last August, wasn't it? When the fella jumped outta the window and lit on the streetcar, got carried three blocks from his nightshirt? Yeah, last August; I guess that was the first time. I seen him a lotta times since then."

Here's an interesting bit of photography lore; news photographers call out "thirteen and eight" when they spot someone trying to photobomb their pictures. That's how this story begins, with our photographer protagonist calling out "thirteen and eight" to get a man out of his way. But none of the other photographers at the scene saw someone trying to interfere with their shoot. And it keeps happening as the photographer keeps seeing a man getting in the way of his lens, resulting in him shooting a dramatic photograph in a split second. Who is this mystery man whom only the photographer can see?

"Thirteen and Eight" was originally broadcast April 26, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 26: "Twelve to Five"

"Yes, ma'am, it does get lonesome down here. What? Oh, sure, being able to talk to people on the phone helps. Well, how'd you like to be stuck all the way down in the basement all by yourself from midnight to five AM? With nothing but a microphone, a turntable and some telephones?"

In this program, Ernest Chappell portrays a lonely disc jockey spinning turntables late at night over the radio. The first third of the episode simply sets up the atmosphere - the environment and conditions of the DJ's occupation. The problems arise when a newsman wanders over and starts sharing news stories for events that haven't happened yet. As with other episodes we've examined involving destiny, fate appears in Quiet, Please as a force that cannot be avoided and becomes more fearsome as time passes.

"Twelve to Five" was originally broadcast April 12, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 25: "A Night to Forget"

"You know how it is sometimes when you get in a dream and you don't think you're dreaming and when you wake up you wonder whether it happened or not?"

Much like yesterday's "Three" today's Quiet, Please is a tale of supernatural portent. Our protagonist, radio announcer John H., keeps dreaming of the world following his death, encountering figures in the morgue, the funeral home, the cemetery. But how far away is his death and can he avert it?

"A Night to Forget" was originally broadcast March 22, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 24: "Three"

"Well, it's, uh, kind of, uh, I suppose you'd say it's an obsession. Oh, uh, on the other hand, I guess you have to have a thing quite a while before you could call it an obsession. This has only been bothering me since day before yesterday. So I suppose maybe we'd better call it, uh, a premonition."

This is a story about a man who finds the number three recurring throughout his life. He hears the number whispered; his telephone rings three times; he finds three pennies. Again and again he encounters the number 3 and becomes increasingly agitated. And then three men introduce themselves to him and indicate that he'll be leaving his home - in 3 days! And still he finds the number three everywhere he turns...

"Three" was originally broadcast November 10, 1947. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 23: "Bring Me to Life"

"Page one... well, that's a start. Let me see. What I need's a character. Character, character, come on, character."

A writer by vocation, Wyllis Cooper wasn't above poking fun at his profession, as we've heard earlier this month in "Rain on New Year's Eve." Today's episode, "Bring Me to Life" concerns an author trying to create a character on his typewriter - and his typewriter's attempts to guide his creative process!

This is a supernatural episode of Quiet, Please but also a whimsical one, especially as the author's characters come to life as little more than broad caricatures because they haven't been fleshed out. It's all in good fun.

"Bring Me to Life" was originally broadcast August 10, 1947. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 22: "The Oldest Man in the World"

"It was bitter cold up there in the uplands and foothills of the Pyrenees 20,000 years ago. The great sheet of glacial ice had slid down from the polar icecap, only the mountain peaks rose above it."

The titular "Oldest Man in the World" is a reference to prehistoric man, which seemed to be becoming a bigger topics in those days since the 1940 discovery of the Lascaux cave paintings and of Cro-Magnon man in the previous century, also in France. That's where Wyllis Cooper's Quiet, Please story begins, with a tale of three people who went climbing in the mountains and the blackhearted murder schemes they brought with them.

"The Oldest Man in the World" was originally broadcast May 22, 1949. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 21: "Dark Grey Magic"

"Well, I bought a book. Yes, I did. 45 cents. You guess. No; no; no, you give up? Magic. No, no, no, not card tricks, magic, real magic, black magic, just like real! Sure!"

As I've indicated before, I'm partial to the whimsical episodes of Quiet, Please, perhaps moreso than the typical series fan. Much like "Prest-o Change-o, I'm Sure," "Dark Grey Magic" concerns a hapless man who comes into magical power. Unlike the previous episode where the hapless practitioner was corrupted by the power at his fingertips, "Dark Grey Magic" has a protagonist so hapless - heck, his name is Meredith Barleycorn! - that he's practically immune to corruption. The drama comes from a demon named Bodge who keeps trying to corrupt Meredith, with little to show for it.

This is an episode where our protagonist reads aloud from a magic book: "How to Ride a Broom; oh, wait, that's for girls." That's my kind of humour, I'm into this episode.

"Dark Grey Magic" was originally broadcast May 1, 1949. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 20: "The Man Who Knew Everything"

"That's always the way it is; they're so surprised when I know the answers. I can't really help it, you see: I know everything."

Now here's a fun premise: our protagonist knows everything but only knows it when he's asked about it. He helpfully answers questions sent in the mail to him and even seems willing to share his knowledge with a bank robber to plot a perfect crime. And yet, there's one fact he's ignorant of; he knows how he will die but not when it will happen. And that's bad news for you - the listener!

"The Man Who Knew Everything" was originally broadcast March 6, 1949. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 19: "Is This Murder?"

"That door? That's my workshop. I haven't been in there in quite some time. Artificial limbs. Rather unusual ones if I do say so myself. I've invented a few devices, you see, and they've been quite successful. Oh, yes. A great many persons wear hands, arms, legs and so on that I invented. You- didn't know my assistant, of course. Why, I don't know. I don't know where he is. As a matter of fact, it's Dan I wanted to talk to you about. Dan and Joyce. Joyce was his sweetheart. No. No, I didn't murder them."

This is an odd episode that certainly keeps you guessing as the narrator (our friend Ernest Chappell) keeps hinting at a murder that has been committed. He alludes to Mary Shelley's Frankenstein as he describes his own attempts at creating life - and the death that resulted from this experiment.

"Is This Murder?" was originally broadcast January 16, 1949. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 18: "Adam and the Darkest Day"

"I don't know whether you ever heard of a place called Chicago or not but I knew it very well in my youth. I've forgotten how long ago that was even. There was a lake- beautiful, big, wide lake that could be bluer than the sky of a summer morning or gray as- Well, that's odd. I can't think of anything that's gray the way the lake was on a stormy day. Gray like the trees used to be? No, more alive, like the gray of steel. Steel? Oh, that's a metal we used to have. Forget about it."

Following World War II, science fiction began to imagine what a future dystopia might look like, and such a tale is Wyllis Cooper's "Adam and the Darkest Day." The story concerns three people who might be the only survivors on Earth after its near-destruction. Our protagonist is named Adam, which seems like a promising name to rebuild humanity... but Adam isn't certain whether humanity should persist.

"Adam and the Darkest Day" was originally broadcast November 7, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 17: "Meet John Smith, John"

"I'm funny about snow, I guess. Yeah, I get sentimental about it, I get- I get silly about it the way some people get about pussywillows and forsythia in the springtime or the way you get about kids or dogs or siamese cats, y'know. I was looking at the Post the other day and there were some pictures about the fighting in the Bulge- when was it, four years ago Christmas time? Soldiers wearing white sheets over 'em, tanks painted white, snow sifting down on them, the little pine trees piled thick with it. I thought, how awful, fellas having to fight and kill each other at Christmas time, in the snow. Blood on the snow. There oughtn't to be blood on the snow. Snow's kinda... sacred. I always thought ever since I was a kid I hope it's snowing when I die. You ever feel that way?"

As the above quote demonstrates, "Meet John Smith, John" is a very melancholy episode. Our protagonist - John Smith - meets an older man also named John Smith whose life has been one of hard luck. The younger John Smith soon finds his own life falling apart and in the same ways the elder Smith's life had done. Somehow the two men's destinies are linked by their names.

What's so unnerving about this episode is that the link between the two John Smiths is inexplicable; they are not the same person, their lives are not identical - and yet the pattern between them only seems to grow stronger as time passes.

"Meet John Smith, John" was originally broadcast October 3, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 16: "Symphony in D Minor"

"Personally, I believe in the law of the jungle. I believe the fight goes to the strong, the one that's smarter, the one that ought to win. I've made my way in life that way, you can't tell me anything different."

Every episode of Quiet, Please opened with a performance of Cesar Franck's Symphony in D Minor. It's no coincidence that today's episode is likewise called "Symphony in D Minor." While the protagonist plots to murder his girlfriend's husband, the husband - a gifted psychologist - has his own scheme to use hypnotism and turn his would-be killer into a murderer whenever he hears Franck's Symphony in D Minor...

"Symphony in D Minor" was originally broadcast September 13, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 15: "Three Thousand Words"

"What'd you do if you heard a knock on your door some cold winter night, you went to the door and opened it, there was a fella about three feet high standin' on your front porch in the snow? Jump about ten feet in the air and yell? Sure, probably. Only, Hubert didn't jump; he couldn't."

"Three Thousand Words." A title that tells you precious little about what you're in for! What we have here is one of star Ernest Chappell's most interesting performances as he portrays a three-foot tall man with a rough, deep voice. What follows is a familiar tale of phony spiritualism and ventriloquism but with some great twists.

"Three Thousand Words" was originally broadcast August 23, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.

OTR Halloween 2023 Day 14: "It's Later Than You Think"

"How I got there I will never know, one minute I was sitting on the davenport with Verna right in my own living room in High Bridge, New Jersey just for no reason setting my watch 11 hours ahead and then vrong! I'm alongside the railroad station in Camp Dix and it's daylight and the sergeant... well, now... things don't happen like that, there's no such thing as magic. But... how? Tell me, how?"

Joining the army must be a very disconcerting experience for a drafted civilian, to have to surrender so much control and be ordered about. Such is the case of our nervous protagonist in "It's Later Than You Think" (title possibly inspired by the famous intro heard on Wyllis Cooper's earlier radio series Lights Out). His new wristwatch has the unusual power to control time and that causes all kinds of problems as he finds himself reliving moments - and blundering into trouble.

"It's Later Than You Think" was originally broadcast August 2, 1948. You can listen to the episode at Quiet, Please.org.