When Radio Doesn't Work Well: Part 2

So today I'm going to wrap up my thoughts on my least favourite radio programs and disagreeable noises ultimately have the greatest impact.

There are plenty of old radio shows with cheesy or even lousy writing. Any fan who claims The Witch's Tale "still holds up" as a scary program is someone I can't take seriously; it's overwritten, lacking in sound effects and often woodenly performed. But I'm not too bothered by The Witch's Tale - it's a relic of its time and occasionally good campy fun.

I'm also not down with those Carlton E. Morse fans who think I Love a Mystery was the greatest program on radio. It's okay, but I find Morse mostly dull and repetitive; I noticed particularly with his series Adventures by Morse (one of the few fully-intact Morse programs) how much of each multi-part serial is taken up by characters recapping the plot to each other and speculating about what's going on. Sometimes there is no direct menace beyond a character stating, "maybe we can't trust them!" which typically indicates a red herring. Still, overwritten as it is, Morse's shows are carried by their performers.

There are two programs which I think are great illustrations of bad dramatic radio and which get my vote for 'worst of the worst': Rocky Fortune and Barrie Craig, Confidential Investigator.

As I stated yesterday, both shows were produced on NBC in the 1950s with tiresome canned music, which doesn't help them. But where the shows really fall down is in the acting department. These are radio programs which cause me to switch off my player when they come up. In the case of these two shows, it isn't because of 'funny voices' or poor writing, rather it's the lead performers.

Rocky Fortune was led by Frank Sinatra. I don't consider myself a Sinatra fan, exactly, but he was normally a pretty adept and energetic performer; in Rocky Fortune, though, he was asleep at the wheel. The intro to the series describes Rocky as "that footloose and fancy free young gentleman" but all of that is contradicted by Sinatra's performance: he sounds tired. Very tired, and possibly bored. You would expect a certain lightness in Sinatra's performance like that of Dick Powell in Richard Diamond, Private Detective, but Sinatra couldn't muster it up. It is painful to hear Sinatra deliver "wise guy" dialogue in a tone which sounds like he just finished a turkey dinner.

Barrie Craig, Confidential Investigator was performed by William Gargan. He was a decent film actor, although certainly never a major player. On the radio, however, he's dull. His voice on Barrie Craig is flat, disinterested. I have heard a few episodes of Barrie Craig but I couldn't recap any of the plots afterwards (whereas I could manage that with Rocky Fortune). Gargan's monotone narration obliterates anything of interest from that series; I now switch off my radio when this one appears (and unfortunately my local station, QR77, does play it fairly often). It has my vote for the all-time worst series in old-time radio.

Okay, I've been a little negative for the last two days. Tomorrow I'll share something positive.

31 Days of Suspense: "To Find Help"

The "home invasion" plot which has become so popular with today's audiences is nothing new - you can find plenty of thrillers rooted in the same fears expressed in those films.

On January 6, 1949, Suspense played the episode "To Find Help," with Ethel Barrymore as an old woman who hires the seemingly-nice young Gene Kelly to do some chores for her. Unfortunately, Kelly ain't quite right in the head. You may download the episode from archive.org here.

When the episode was first performed on Suspense on January 18, 1945, Agnes Moorehead played the woman with Frank Sinatra as the young man. I think Sinatra's performance was stronger than Kelly, but I much prefer Barrymore's to Moorehead's. Still, it's worth hearing both versions so you can find the original at archive.org here.

Another aspect of Suspense which changes between the two performances is their commercial sponsorship; the first version occurred during the days of Roma Wines, while the second debuted in the days of Auto-Lite. I have to say, I much prefer the rich, warm, velvety Roma Wines commercials - they never clash against the tone of Suspense, while all too-often Harlow Wilcox's noisy Auto-Lite ads dissipate the tension of the surrounding program. Still, Auto-Lite commercials remain much more palatable than Lucky Strikes'.

Tomorrow: "Nothing like ketchup, I always say."