Wednesday, February 12, 2020

A Game Most Dangerous, Part 12: Conan

Welcome back to A Game Most Dangerous! By Crom, now that we're into black & white magazines it's time to look upon The Savage Sword of Conan #88 (1983) and the story "Isle of the Hunter" by wrtier Michael Fleisher and the art team of John Buscema and Rudy Nebres.

We open in Zamboula, "westernmost outpost of the Turanian Empire, a major trading center in the Kharamun Desert" as Conan stealthily rides a horse into town while a proclamation calling for his capture is read aloud. Ignoring this, Conan heads into the Inn of the Black Falcon for some of their "renowned" Stygian ale. Within the inn, two scantily-clad twin "wenches" are dancing before the patrons, who holler their approval. "What I wouldn't give for a night of doubling my pleasure with those two!" declares one. The twins are named Sabrina and Saroya and they egg on their admirers, telling the men that if they get into a brawl they'll sleep with whoever is the last man standing. Cue the bar brawl! Conan ignores the brawl until one unfortunate soul makes the mistake of clubbing Conan over the head with a bottle. If this were real life, Conan would be unconscious right now. Since Conan exists strictly in the realm of larger-than-life, instead he flies into a rage and starts beating up everyone in the room. Without meaning to, he wins the twins' contest. Conan is still more interested in getting drunk than having the women, but the commotion has drawn the attention of the town guards who arrest our Cimmerian hero.

Conan is taken to be executed but Sabrina and Saroya interrupt the ceremony by killing the executioner and liberating Conan. Conan and the twins fight their way out of the palace and ride away on three horses. He wonders why they came to his rescue; they explain they want his help in plundering "the vast treasure trove of Wazir Hassan Hassad Khan, one of the wealthiest men in the world." It seems the Wazir occupies a castle on an uncharted island in the Vilayet Sea. Conan suggests rounding up some of his allies to help rob the castle but the twins insist this is a one-man operation - that's why they staged the fight in the inn, to find "the one whose cunning and brawn we need!" Conan is concerned about staying ahead of the soldiers who have been sent after them but the twins insist they have a half day's head start now. "Would a huge-chested stallion like yourself be inclined to take only one mare to stud--" asks one twin, "--when he could just as easily have two?" the second finishes. And so cue the polyamorous sex scene, taking advantage of the lack of Comics Code Approval on black & white magazines (but still pretty chaste - it amounts to one panel of the women being naked but framed to strategically prevent any actual nudity).

The next afternoon Conan and the twins continue their trip and reach a boat hidden by the sea. So they set sail to the island, encountering a giant sea monster as they travel, but the twins tell Conan the monster is under the control of the Wazir. As they near the island's shore, one of the twins clubs Conan over the head. I guess his head is thicker than the earlier fight suggested? Or maybe Conan has taken so many concussions over the years that he only feels every other dent to his skull? Anyway, a band of men greet the twins at shore and carry Conan off.

Conan awakens in a forest to find himself unarmed and being hunted by unseen forces armed with bow and arrows. Without any exposition, Conan seems to realize he's in a Most Dangerous Game scenario so starts building traps to kill the hunters in gory fashion (well, about as gory as any of the horror comics I've featured, anyway). Meanwhile the twins are in the Wazir's castle, celebrating with him. The Wazir goes into his Zaroff speech: "As you well know," he begins (but that doesn't prevent his exposition) "I've stalked and bagged all the world's great game beasts in my day! Lion, leopard, unicorn. Even the great ice bear! But, when all is said and done, what sort of quarry, however magnificent, can possibly hope to rival the sport provided by a cunning, battle-seasoned man!" (no question mark, so was that was a rhetorical question?) You might wonder why, if the Wazir wants to hunt Conan, he's not out there right now participating in the hunt. Well, it seems his men are intentionally driving Conan toward the castle: "--So that, as he reaches the very peak and zenith of his barbaric fury, I can dispatch the wild-eyed Zuagir like the savage beast of prey he is!" Err... look Wazir, I'm sure you know your business, but that's not "hunting". At best, you're staging the most dangerous duel.

While Conan flees from the Wazir's men it seems the pursuing soldiers have followed Conan to the uncharted island. You might wonder how they could have possibly followed Conan's trail across the sea, especially since the island is uncharted. Look, it's convenient to the plot, okay? Anyway, Conan's enemies start killing each other while Conan heads to the castle. Just as the Wazir intended! Which, uh, remains a pretty stupid plan.

Conan confronts the Wazir, who permits the barbarian to select any weapon he likes for their duel. Conan then proceeds to easily win the fight and kills the Wazir. Sabrina and Saroya then draw their weapons to fight him, but Conan disarms both women with two swipes of his sword. He then takes the "wenches" hostage because "I may need to barter you for provisions somewhere between here and Zamboula." The twins refuse to come with him so he carries them off, one under each arm until he finds a pair of manacles and chains them up and drags them behind him. Cruelty to women! Just in case you forgot this was a Michael Fleisher comic book! Conan brings the women back to the boat and considers gifting them to his soldiers, noting it's not often his men "enjoy one woman's company, let alone two!" Our hero, wenches and gentlemen. The soldiers see Conan departing and get back to their ship but Conan has taken the Wazir's conch shell, which can be used to control the sea monster from earlier. The monster obligingly destroys the soldiers' boat for Conan. But later Conan's boat springs a slow leak and he observes they'll have to jettison some weight. At this, Sabrina and Saroya turn on each other, trying to murder each other in the hopes of being the one Conan spares. "Lying bitch!" one exclaims as they fight. They go overboard, completely ignoring Conan as he points out they're both going to die. Then the sea monster returns and eats both women. The last word spoken by either twin is "Slut!" The monster leaves Conan alone and our hero sails back across the sea.

My thoughts: It's too bad about Michael Fleisher... not about his reputation as a misogynist, he forged that chain for himself, link by link, yard by yard (and famously lost a libel case over it). No, it's too bad that he set up a perfectly good 'Conan in The Most Dangerous Game' scenario then threw it away. The hunter never even leaves his castle! Frankly, he was more interested in the twins than in the story's supposed antagonist.

There are basically two kinds of women in a Fleisher Conan story: those who submit to Conan and later die and those who refuse to submit to Conan and later die. When it's the woman who propositions Conan rather than the other way around, you know you're headed into scenario #2. When Conan is sexually aggressive towards a woman, that woman is pretty much fated to die (or in certain circumstances end up with another man) so that Conan will briefly experience angst. When a woman is sexually aggressive towards Conan, that woman is almost certainly evil and will be punished for her slutty behaviour.

The Hunter:

  • A RussianMiddle Eastern nobleman (2/4 points)
  • Who is a big game hunter (4/4 points)
  • But is no longer challenged by big game (4/4 points)
  • So he hunts men on his secluded island (4/4 points)
  • Justifying this through a eugenics/Darwinian philosophy (0/4 points)
  • He is aided by his servants, including a disfigured mute (2/4 points)
  • And his vicious hunting dogs (0/4 points)
  • He obtains his prey by scuttling nearby ships (0/4 points)
  • His victims are given a time limit of 3 days; if they are alive at the deadline, they win the hunt (0/4 points)
  • As a further example of his sense of "sportsmanship", he will deliberately prolong the hunt if he finds it interesting (0/4 points)
  • His victims are placed on display in his trophy room (0/4 points)

The Hunted:

  • A famous big game hunterbarbarian (1/4 points)
  • Who philosophizes about what (if anything) animals sense while being hunted (0/4 points)
  • He is cast overboard and finds himself on the hunter's island, alone (0/4 points)
  • The hunter knows him because of his reputation (1/4 points)
  • When he learns the hunter's scheme he refuses to hunt alongside him (0/4 points)
  • Hunted by the hunter, he flees into the wilderness trying to avoid detection (4/4 points)
  • His only tool is a knife which the hunter gave him (0/4 points)
  • In time he constructs traps to kill the hunter or his servants (4/4 points)
  • He survives the ordeal by leaping over a cliff (0/4 points)
  • Although the hunt is over, he confronts the hunter and duels him to the death (4/4 points)

The Island:

  • Is a tropical island in the CaribbeanMediterranean (3/4 points)
  • Surrounded by dangerous reefs which wreck ships (0/4 points)
  • The island has a dangerous swamp (0/4 points)
  • And high cliffs (0/4 points)

Total score: 29/100!

Conan faces another hunt tomorrow!

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