Comedy Stars on Suspense, Day 7: Jack Benny!

Today's Suspense episode is "A Good and Faithful Servant" (June 2, 1952) featuring radio comedy star Jack Benny! This was the second of four appearances Benny made on Suspense.

Harold Fenton (Benny) is a meek, long-time sales clerk who claims to have been locked in the store vault while $50,000 was stolen. Actually, Fenton stole the money himself and has a near-perfect plan to keep it-- but one of his co-workers suspects the truth.

Benny's other Suspense appearances all have some element of comedy; I chose to feature this one because it offered Benny an entirely dramatic turn; he was actually good at drama when he was given a chance, but he had such a well-known comic persona that he seldom received opportunities to demonstrate.

Tomorrow: Keenan Wynn!

Radio Recap: The Danny Kaye Show

The Danny Kaye Show was a comedy-variety program starring Danny Kaye. It was heard on CBS from January 6, 1945 until May 31, 1946. Kaye was joined by Eve Arden (as Kaye's manager), Lionel Stander (as Kaye's elevator boy), announcer Ken Niles and orchestra leader Harry James. It was sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. Frank Nelson was heard in the first episode as "Mr. Pabst," Kaye's sponsor.

Now, I grew up on Danny Kaye; my mother was (and is) a big fan of Kaye's - she shared one of his albums with us when we were children and we listened to it very often. Later, when my brother and I shared a room, we would listen to her Best of Danny Kaye LP most evenings, to the point that I can still recall many of Kaye's comedic songs from memory. And that's without getting into all the movies we watched! Every time I dig up one of Kaye's films that I didn't see during my childhood, I wish I'd been exposed to it back then - I would have loved it much more. Similarly, listening to the Danny Kaye Show, I wished I'd heard it all when I was a kid. Among other things, almost all of the songs on the Best of Danny Kaye were heard on his radio program - possibly some of them originated there.

The Danny Kaye Show enjoyed two seasons - a half-season from January-June, 1945, then a full season from October, 1945-May, 1946. There's quite a difference between the two seasons. Although Pabst remained his sponsor (and during the summer break they sponsored Harry James in a replacement show), all of Danny's stooges left between seasons. Danny did pick up a new stooge - Butterfly McQueen (who had just exited the Jack Benny Program) portraying the president of Danny Kaye's fan club and a new orchestra led by Dave Terry but otherwise the show became less of an ensemble program.

The other huge change is that Danny missed a few episodes; check that, a lot of episodes! Throughout the fall of 1945 Danny Kaye did not appear on the Danny Kaye Show while he went on a USO tour, with instead the casts of other shows filling in for him, including Frank Sinatra with Judy Garland, George Burns/Gracie Allen, Jack Benny and Eddie Cantor. They're decent broadcasts (in fact, the script for the Jack Benny episode was later repeated on his own show a couple of times) but they're not, in any meaningful sense, episodes of the Danny Kaye Show! I think it's especially notable that most of the guest hosts just insert a reference to Kaye in their scripts but otherwise play out as though it's an episode of their own programs- but Jack Benny structured his guest episode entirely around Kaye, with his cast having seen Kaye's film Wonder Man and upsetting Benny by showering Kaye with accolades as a great comedian.

Missteps? The show made a few. I like Danny's rendition of "Accentuate the Positive," but boy he sings it quite often on his show - four times in 1945! "Minnie the Moocher," "the Railroad Song" and "the Fairy Piper" turned up multiple times as well. But I should add this is only a problem during the first half-season - in the second season I didn't hear Danny repeat any songs.

Neither season feels quite like the right fit for Danny Kaye's talents; he loved speech and song, making funny voices. All he really needed were straight men, not stooges like Eve Arden and Lionel Stander. Why give him a popular bandleader like Harry James? Or a smarmy commercial spokesman like Ken Niles? The first half-season sounds like an attempt to make Danny sound like other popular comedy-variety shows of the 40s. But Danny was not Jack Benny. I like Arden and Stander just fine, but when the show went into jokes with their characters I simply thought, "that's not what I want from a Danny Kaye program." As for Harry James, he had a running gag about what a terrible performer he was; he'd show up in most sketches declaring, "I am James, the butler." Seriously, that was his entire gag.

So the second season - once Danny came back from the USO - should have been more to my liking, right? It's true that in the 2nd season Danny didn't have to compete with stooges for laughs (Butterfly McQueen's role wasn't that large) and there was a wider sampling of Danny's silly songs. But there were also a lot of guest stars - people like Orson Welles and Arthur Treacher. Probably the best guest star was Dick Powell, who popped up to promote his show Rogue's Gallery. Powell appeared in a sketch with Kaye in which Powell was constantly being knocked out by unlikely objects, a funny parody of his own program.

The bottom line is: the Danny Kaye Show could have been great. I felt Danny was restrained by the conventional format of 1940s radio comedy, not permitted to cut loose in the manner of his movie performances. I still would have loved this series when I was a child and I definitely point to the Jack Benny and Dick Powell episodes as diamonds in the rough.

Most of the Danny Kaye Show still exists and you can hear them in this YouTube playlist created by the Old Time Radio Researchers.

Boris Karloff Month Day 28: I Stand Condemned

Welcome back to Boris Karloff month! The Jack Benny Program. On the episode of January 19, 1947, Boris Karloff appeared in a sketch titled "I Stand Condemned". This was the second time Benny performed the sketch (the first was with Peter Lorre) but Karloff is simply wonderful in this rendition. The sketch features Benny as a condemned man who relates how a chance encounter with Karloff (or, "the fickle finger of fate", if you will) set him on the path of ruin. What follows is basically a satire of Inner Sanctum Mysteries. "Why must I always die in the end?" Karloff wonders. Most of the comedy shows I've featured with Karloff would have simply appear as himself and play the part of a generic 'boogeyman'. This episode has an actual plot for him to satirize! You can hear it at archive.org by clicking here!

Bloggin' 'Bout Benny

I've blogged before about the Jack Benny Program here; I've mentioned it was the first old-time radio comedy program which really won me over and gave me an appreciation for radio comedy. But I have to say, having spent some time looking at how other Benny fans feel, I'm not in 100% agreement with them on the best era of the show.

Benny fans usually state that the Jack Benny Program was at its best when what's considered the classic cast is assembled: Jack with Mary, Don, Phil, Dennis and Eddie Anderson (Rochester). But I feel there are other important factors which are often neglected in determining what was the best of Benny: the supporting cast; the sponsors; the writers; the audience.

I have divided up the 1932-1955 run of the Jack Benny Program into six rough groupings and I'll explain how I rate each of these groups of shows.

1932-1936: The early years of the Jack Benny Program creak quite a bit; in the earliest episode we have he kept running through sponsors (Canada Dry, Chevrolet, General Tire, then finally Jell-O) and he didn't have a studio audience. His wife, Mary Livingstone, was with him almost from the start and stayed to the end; before too long he added Don Wilson as his announcer and he remained 'til the end. During this time he also picked up Kenny Baker as the show's singer and 'crazy kid' type to annoy Jack. It isn't terrible radio comedy, but it isn't Jack at his funniest either.

My Judgement: Completists Only!

Best episode: June 9, 1933: I kinda enjoy the opening sketch which satirizes Schmeling vs. Baer.

1936-1939: And this is where the show becomes great for the first time. Again, most fans think Dennis Day is indispensable - I don't. Kenny Baker was not as good as Dennis Day, but filled the same role and did it better than other person in the show's history. What's really important is that this is era where Phil Harris joins the show as the bandleader and Eddie Anderson begins playing 'Rochester'. Phil isn't fully-formed when he first appears on the show, but he gathers steam quickly and by '39 was basically the same person he'd play on radio and television for the rest of his career. Along with the arrival of Rochester, who was such a hit with audiences that many felt he overshadowed Jack, this is also the era of the many 'Buck Benny' skits with Andy Devine, the great Fred Allen feud of 1937, and it's where Ed Beloin and Bill Morrow became Jack's writers. Beloin/Morrow are, so far as I'm concerned, the best of Benny's writers; throw in Jell-O and all the fun the show had with that product... and the show had a great supporting cast which included Beloin himself (frequently as 'Mr. Billingsley'), John Brown, Frank Nelson, Verna Felton and Mel Blanc; most of the radio cast at this point stuck with Jack to the end.

My Judgement: Great!

Best episode: May 5, 1939: The second half of a two-part 'Gunga Din' parody, this half including Phil's performance as the jazzed-up leader of the villains (ie, his band).

1939-1944: 1939 brought Dennis Day to the show, taking the place of Kenny Baker. This era of the show is, to my thinking, the absolute best: Beloin & Morrow are the writers, Jell-O (later Grape Nuts) is the sponsor, there are live audiences (including army bases during the war), and the most important members of the cast are there: Jack, Mary, Dennis, Don, Phil and Rochester. This is the era of the memorable 'Trip to Yosemite' four-parter and the four weeks with Orson Welles as host! The supporting cast also saw Butterfly McQueen for about a year - she's one of my favourite underrated Benny performers. But by the end of this era, Milt Josefsberg had joined the writing staff as Beloin and Morrow stepped down...

My Judgement: THE BEST!

Best episode: January 12, 1941: Jack's writers fail to come up with a script in time for the broadcast; when they try to perform a murder mystery story the cast keeps running out of pages!

1944-1946: This era is kind of a letdown on a few fronts; Beloin and Morrow are gone and while Josefsberg was a great writer (who ran the writer's room for the rest of Jack's career), the humour has a different feel as the show becomes more and more of a sitcom. Lucky Strike becomes the show's sponsor and is almost certainly the worst sponsor in all of old-time radio; Benny and his crew occasionally made light of the Lucky Strike commercial campaigns but not to the extent they did with Jell-O or Grape Nuts; the Lucky Strike people were, by all accounts, humourless and fiendishly devoted to the idea of repeating commercial catchphrases over and over. The sheer number and volume of Lucky Strike commercials from this point on--and typically only one ever done by Don Wilson--really hurts the show going ahead. Topping that off, this is from the period where Dennis Day was in the Navy and Larry Stevens took his place. Stevens was a fine singer, but didn't achieve much as a comedian.

My Judgement: Great!

Best episode: April 1, 1945: Jack relates the story of how he first met Phil Harris; in this telling, Jack actually enjoys all of the things about Phil's personality which normally make him upset!

1946-1952: And this is the last great era, the last time in which the cast was Jack, Mary, Dennis, Don, Phil and Rochester. The supporting cast continued to balloon as performers like Bea Benaderet, Artie Auerbach and Sheldon Leonard became recurring presences. I always have time for one of Leonard's 'racetrack tout' routines, but some of these recurring characters--like Sam Hearn's 'Friend from Calabassas'--aren't especially funny. It also points to a weakness of the Josefsberg era - despite the larger comedy writing staff, the jokes were becoming repetitive; instead of Jack and his gang put on their show, many episodes were in sitcom format and would follow Jack as he encountered the various supporting characters, who would each come out, do their bit, then go away. The show was starting to get predictable; I think it also hurt the program that while Phil Harris was still present, he had less time for the program due to his own Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show and would typically disappear about 10-15 minutes into Benny's show. And to top off all those Lucky Strike commercials, we have the Sportsmen Quartet; the only funny thing about the quartet is how much Jack despised them; the musical interludes by the quartet were only great when it made Jack upset (thankfully, that was most of their routine). This was also pretty much the end of Benny before a live audience, which is definitely an element in its favour--a number of memorable bloopers occurred during this era (such as Don's "Drear Pooson") and the show certainly felt more dynamic when it was live.

My Judgement: Great!

Best episode: October 20, 1946: Jack and his cast parody the program The Whistler with their sketch "The Fiddler" in which Dennis is the would-be hapless victim while Jack is irritated by Phil, the would-be murderer.

1952-1955: And here the show ends; Bob Crosby replaced Phil Harris but never developed an identity of his own, mostly just repeating old routines of Phil's about the show's band; the show start to be pre-taped; Mary began reducing her appearances or outright disappearing; scripts were recycled with greater frequency; entire episodes were rebroadcast. By this point, Jack was well on his way with television; I'm glad he stuck with radio as long as he did, but I can't call this era as good as what came before... I wouldn't even call it as good as the 1936-1939 era--it's a very slick production and better than anything else in radio comedy of the time, but compared to where Benny had been before, I find these years a letdown.

My Judgement: Pretty Good!

Best episode: January 11, 1953: Bob Hope guest stars in a parody of Hope's film Road to Bali, irritating Jack, who wanted to play Hope's part in the sketch!

Check out the very excellent fan webpage Jack Benny in the 1940's for a horde of great information and opinions on Jack Benny!

OTR Holiday Month Day 29: Jack Benny

I've said many times that I enjoy the Jack Benny Program. One of my absolute favourite broadcasts is the New Year's Eve broadcast from December 31, 1939. In this episode, Jack is stood up by his date after he's gone on at considerable length to his friends about what an amazing woman she is. The eventual reveal of who his date is leads to one fantastic laugh, but over all Jack cuts a very pathetic figure in this episode. Alone on New Year's, Jack ends up at home. Seeing how lonesome his boss is, Rochester cancels his plans to spend the night supporting Jack. Awwwwww...

This is a fantastic program; listen to it at archive.org here.

We're almost done the theme month, come back tomorrow!

OTR Holiday Month Day 22: Jack Benny

For this Saturday's episode of the Jack Benny Program I've chosen the December 8, 1946 episode. In this show, Jack goes shopping for Don Wilson's Christmas present but he can't quite make up his mind between plastic-tip shoelaces or metal-tip shoelaces. It was such a winning idea for the show that the writers basically recycled it every December from then on, simply replacing the shoelaces with a different product and depicting the clerk selling the item (played by Mel Blanc) increasingly angst-ridden from trying to satisfy Jack's whims.

You can listen to the episode on archive.org here.

OTR Holiday Month Day 18: The Man Who Came to Dinner

Man, how many times can I get Jack Benny on the blog this month? In a rare case of Jack Benny playing someone other than Jack Benny, on December 25, 1948, Jack took the lead role in a presentation of The Man Who Came to Dinner on the Hotpoint Holiday Hour. Now, he can't equal the great performance Monty Woolly gave in the 1942 film version, but Jack is really great. The dialogue is crackling good and the cast includes Charles Boyer, Gene Kelly, Dorothy McGuire, Gregory Peck, Rosalind Russell and Henry Fonda so yeah, it's got a pretty amazing pedigree! You can hear it on archive.org here.

OTR Holiday Month Day 15: Jack Benny

It's Saturday, so that means I'm posting another episode of the Jack Benny Program! In this episode from December 24, 1939, Jack hosts another Christmas party at his house. The highlights include a visit from Jack's brother-in-law, who is constantly comparing Hollywood against Waukeegan and deciding the former comes up short. Rochester proves himself to be the show's MVP as he gets many of the episode's biggest laughs.

You can hear this episode on youtube here

OTR Holiday Month Day 8: Jack Benny

Yes, more Jack Benny! There will be a Jack Benny episode every Saturday during this theme month. He's my favourite, after all!

This time out I've chosen the December 25, 1938 episode of the Jack Benny Program. Jack hosts a Christmas party at his house and has a devious plan to upstage Phil Harris by dating Barbara Whitney, Phil's girlfriend. However, Phil upstages Jack by arriving with Jack's film co-star Joan Bennett as his date!

You can hear the episode on archive.org here.

OTR Holiday Month Day 4: Phil Harris & Alice Faye

My first exposure to the Phil Harris/Alice Faye Show was through a version of their annual Christmas program. Virtually every Christmas they would use the same script and it was a pretty great one. As you can hear in the first version from December 21, 1947, the plot involves Phil and Alice hiring an actor to portray Santa Claus: Jack Benny himself!

It's a very funny episode, not only because Jack Benny is excellent, but for Elliot Lewis' turn as Frankie Remley, who is disgusted with Phil for hiring an "impostor" to play Santa Claus. Eventually, after Jack Benny went from NBC to CBS, he stopped appearing in the Christmas shows and Jack's friend Andy Devine took his place. But you can't replace Jack; the idea of the stingy, miserly Jack portraying Santa Claus is innately funny.

You can hear the 1947 version of this story at archive.org here.

OTR Holiday Month Day 1: Jack Benny

I've often devoted the month of October to a day-by-day blogging exercise where I look back on one old-time radio episode per day, all themed for Halloween. This year, I'm going to blog every day of December instead and look at shows related to Christmas and the surroundings holidays.

I love Christmas old-time radio shows. My interest in OTR began when I would listen to "Those Old Radio Shows" on QR77, which used to be broadcast on every night of the year (currently they broadcast on Fridays & Saturdays). When I first became a listener the shows were taken from a pretty limited library. Each year before Christmas, they would run "The 12 Days of Christmas" from Dec. 14-25 and the first program of each block would be a Christmas episode of an OTR show. Some of them were programs which didn't otherwise exist in their library.

As I've noted before, initally I didn't care for comedy programs and I'd often turn off my radio when one came on, but during "The 12 Days" I would listen to the Christmas shows. Eventually I developed a better appreciation for radio comedy. And so, my hope is that during this 31-day blogging exercise I might get you to try out a radio program you might not otherwise sample.

As Jack Benny became my favourite old-time radio comedian, it's Jack Benny who I'm beginning with. On December 12, 1937, The Jack Benny Program featured Jack and Mary Livingstone shopping for presents. It's not the greatest episode in the series as there were still a few kinks being worked out, but it's a very snappy episode. More to the point, it established what became a tradition - an episode of Jack going shopping and being frustrated by unhelpful store staff, with various jokes about how cheap Jack is. You can listen to the episode on Youtube here.

More seasonal OTR tomorrow!

What is funny? (1,000th post!)

Do you like to laugh? Sure, we all do. When people discuss what makes them laugh the word "subjective" tends to appear, as though comedy were the most subjective of all forms of entertainment. We don't all agree on what is sad, frightening or thrilling either, but comedy is the whipping boy. Perhaps this is because if you don't believe that, say, a ghost story is scary you might still be entertained by it in some other way; but when comedy is not funny it is considered less than worthless.

I have come to realize I am a particularly prickly person where comedy is concerned. I like what I like; I don't put much effort into discovering new comedies, whereas I do place some effort into exploring new horror stories, adventure stories, etc. I have seen maybe 1.5 episodes of Saturday Night Live; I've never gone to a live comedy show; I haven't watched sitcoms for a decade; I very seldom watch comedy films in the cinema.

Recently I was browsing Netflix to find something to watch - I wanted something light and enjoyable, so I browsed through comedy. I couldn't find anything that I thought I would enjoy except for those shows I had seen before. That got me thinking: what about all the things I do like? What do they have in common? Come with me and we'll see.

Self-Deprecation

I've mentioned before that when I first became interested in old-time radio I listened for the science fiction/horror shows and skipped over the comedies, believing they would be old-fashioned and unfunny. And yet, I soon found one program which made me laugh: The Jack Benny Program. Jack Benny was a comic who knew his limitations - he couldn't master snappy patter. Thus, Jack's character was the schmuck instead of the wit; Jack's program constantly featured his supporting characters puncturing his ego, frequently to observe he was not as handsome, smart, funny or likeable as he believed himself to be - and I laughed because it seemed as though it were true and Jack deserved to be humiliated.

The wonderful, intangible part of Jack's routine was that his audience knew he was putting on an act, that "Jack Benny" was a false persona, yet he didn't break character (even Jack's ad-libs were very much on-point). I have found few other comedians so willing to put themselves down; to some extent, this is also what I enjoy about Robert Benchley's articles and short films; he would project an image of a dignified, urbane gentleman, but really he was another schmuck.

The Non Sequitur

How best to describe it... I like the snappy, witty remark, particularly when it is in stark contrast to the other party's statement ("the stooge"), and especially when it's surprising, totally unexpected; "non sequitur" seems to be the term which best describes it. I enjoy how authors such as P. G. Wodehouse & Damon Runyon would subvert genre expectations through clever dialogue and situations. I see this humour in my love for Groucho Marx's retorts:

This kind of humour tends to be heavily sarcastic or sardonic. The first party has come to play chess, but the second party arrives to play tennis - with a pogo stick - and demands the first party explain why he isn't similarly prepared. I was late in discovering Mystery Science Theater 3000, but its format of witty remarks and put-downs mixed with affectionate chiding truly spoke to me.

I've since come to learn, however, that one should not abuse their "witty" humour in public as it quickly becomes intolerable to friends. I've also learned how my idol Alfred Hitchcock used such remarks to disguise his own shyness; these remarks are basically a form of self-defense.

Satire

Over time I've learned I have low tolerance for the all-encompassing statement. I am the one who picks holes in every broad remark, noting the exceptions to each and every rule. I am similarly quick to note the cliches which infuse popular culture and when a masterpiece of satire appears - say, Stan Freberg, Cerebus, Monty Python, the Tick, Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker, Batton Lash - I nod in approval. The object being satirized need not be obvious; some of Bob & Ray's satire is best enjoyed when you are aware of their target (listen to at least one episode of Jack Armstrong, the All-American Boy before listening to one of their "Jack Headstrong, the All-American American" skits) and yet, even in this instance, a parody of a children's science show which I'm not familiar with, I recognize they were satirizing a particular format and style of programming; the satire is specific in its target but broad in its humour:

I've never read a Nancy Drew book in my life, but Kate Beaton has had great fun writing her own comics based on the covers of Nancy Drew novels:

Edgar Wright is perhaps the best currently-working film satirist, mocking the sitcom (Spaced), zombie genre (Shaun of the Dead) and crime story (Hot Fuzz).

Returning to self-deprecation, some satirists would satirize themselves; witness Edgar Allan Poe and his connected stories "How to Write a Blackwood's Article" & "A Predicament," or Michael Kupperman sending up the entire genre of comics:

Self-deprecation works well with satire - however, I'm not confident that simply doing the opposite of the source material is sufficiently funny. "Dracula, but stupid" is not a solid basis for a film. Great satire digs deeper than the surface and exposes the tired tropes and cliches behind the entire genre; it's Poe making fun of morality tales in "Never Bet the Devil Your Head"; it's Stan Freberg making fun of lawn mower commercials while selling lawn mowers; it's Bob and Ray selling you a suit that will not only save you money, but make you money!

Laugh, won't you?

R.I.P.: Lauren Bacall

Back in the 1990s, I once began a conversation about Humphrey Bogart films with a co-worker. He was an older man, having easily 40 years over me. He more-or-less liked Bogart's pictures but complained about "all those movies he made with Lauren Bacall." I didn't have a retort prepared for him because I could only recall three pictures Bogart & Bacall made together (Dead Reckoning, Key Largo & the Big Sleep). In fact, there were only four Bogart-Bacall pictures.

Still, there was some kind of backlash against Bacall, a perception from outsiders that she had profited on her marriage to Bogart and Bogart's legacy, rather than being a talented actress in her own right. That was certainly how many critics reacted to her 1994 performance in Pret-a-Porter. Personally, I haven't much effort into seeing Bacall's roles outside of the four she made with Bogart (the only non-Bogart picture from her filmography I've seen is Harper).

Now that Bacall is dead, everyone is free to praise her again - just as the public originally loved her in To Have and Have Not (the fourth Bogart-Bacall film I couldn't think of in the earlier anecdote). There is very little about the film which is memorable, but for those moments when Bacall smoulders her way into the scenes. It fits perfectly with director Howard Hawks philosophy: "A good movie consists of three good scenes and no bad ones."

As an OTR fan, I should also make mention of Bacall's appearances in radio comedy & drama (almost always at Bogart's side). Although she and Bogart had their own syndicated show - Bold Venture - I can't really recommend it. It's okay, but every episode tends to sound alike. Instead, check out this fun episode of Jack Benny (mp3 at archive.org) where Bacall guest stars (naturally with Bogie tagging along).

Lauren Bacall will be remembered primarily as Bogart's better half, but she seemed to serve the role admirably (certainly better than his previous wives). One more piece of Hollywood's great past has been lost.

An OTR Easter

We old-time radio fans certainly enjoy the holidays; why, come Christmas time you're liable to find us listening to something related to the season - perhaps Jack Benny bargain hunting for a pair of shoelaces for Don Wilson, or one of Lionel Barrymore's turns at the role of Ebenezer Scrooge, possibly even the Christmas where the Great Gildersleeve must give up his foundling baby to the child's true father.

Yet, we come to Easter and... the pickings are notably slimmer. Perhaps the best Easter drama surviving is an episode of Quiet Please entitled "Shadow of the Wings" from April 17, 1949; you can download it from archive.org here.

Quiet Please is sometimes called a radio horror program; while there are a few episodes which delve headfirst into horror, it would be more proper to dub it a fantasy series; it ranges from gentle, light fantasy to terrifying, dark fantasy. This particular episode definitely falls on the "light" side - series star Ernest Chappell portrays here the Angel of Death itself, sent to collect the life of a little girl.

Of couse, if the prospect of a mother confronting an angel to preserve her daughter's life sounds a little heavy, I offer you this April 17, 1949 episode of the Jack Benny Program where Jack and Mary go walking in the Easter Parade: you may download it from archive.org here.

Happy Easter!

Jack Benny Without Jack Benny, Part 6 of 6

We have reached the end of the series; on April 11, 1943, Jack Benny returned to the Jack Benny Program after missing five weeks of shows; however, guest host Orson Welles is still on the premises, offering us a fantastic instance of Jack's jealous ego.

Follow along with this link (right click to download from archive.org).

I should note, Jack had used guest hosts before - Herbert Marshall filled in on February 2, 1941 and later Robert Taylor would fill-in on May 16, 1948. There's even an episode where Jack appeared (April 3, 1938), but the show opened with George Jessel hosting - in each of these instances, Jack was deeply resentful when he returned to the studio and found his cast much preferred the guest host over himself. Such is the case again as Jack deals with the four week fill-in Orson Welles delivered.

The show is set in Jack's bedroom as he's supposedly still bed-ridden. This means more of Rochester than usual (as he must nursemaid Jack) and no one ever complained about having too much Rochester! Rochester supplies cough medicine made from gin ("You'll find very few pharmacists with the imagination I've got!") and sets up the toaster in the bed to keep Jack's feet warm. Rochester fields a call from his girlfriend and asks Jack if he can have the night off; when Jack refuses, Rochester invites his girl to the house instead!

As Mary arrives, there's this gem:

Jack: "Rochester, what are you doing with my cough medicine?"

Rochester: "I was holding it up to the light and some of it ran down my throat!"

As Jack insists he has to return to his show, Mary begins gushing over Orson's prowess as a performer; Jack begins to slowly smolder in his bed (and not because of the toaster). Jack grouses, "I was sick in bed for five weeks, he didn't even send me a basket of fruit! I finally had to wire him!" Ah, it's good to have Jack back!

Phil arrives next with a gag about his wife (Alice Faye)'s lousy baking. Naturally, Phil is the one most upset at Orson's exit.

Phil: "Gosh, I'm sure gonna miss Wellesy. Without him the show won't have no refinement, no culture, no class!"

Jack: "It won't have no Harris if you don't shut up!"

When Rochester asks if Benny would like to see his doctor Jack retorts, "No, I've been lying in bed all week because I can't find my pants!" The doctor is played by Frank Nelson, so you can guess he won't be entirely helpful (later in the show Nelson's characters were truly antagonistic towards Jack - at this stage, his characters' attitudes might best be described as apathetic). The doctor keeps making references to his other patients being pets, meaning Jack was too cheap to hire a real doctor.

Jack: "Now Doc, would you mind examining me? I've gotta go down to NBC and do a broadcast today."

Frank: "Why? Is Orson Welles sick?"

After the doctor leaves, Jack and Rochester have one of their famous sing-song exchanges:

Jack: "Oh, Rochesterrr...?"

Rochester: "Yes, boss?"

Jack: "Why are you pouring my cough medicine into those cocktail glasses?"

Rochester: "I thought it might liven up the partyyy!"

Jack's boarder Mr. Billingsley (show writer Ed Beloin) drops in to offer some of his standard non sequiturs.

Jack: "We were just talking about you, Mr. Billingsley, your ears must be burning."

Mr. Billingsley: "Well, I'll have to call the fire department, I've got a new hat on!"

Mr. Billingsley winds up hiding under Jack's bed ("in case your husband comes home") and bumps his head, recalling the previous two weeks' gag of Radcliff (co-writer Bill Morrow) bumping his head. Don and Dennis arrive, setting up a fantastic "I worry about things like that" piece:

Jack: "I have a hunch we're gonna have a pretty good show today."

Dennis: "Without Orson Welles?"

Jack: "Yes."

Dennis: "Gosh, the Orson Welles Program without Orson Welles? I worry about things like that!"

Rochester passes around scripts ("everyone gets a script and a glass of cough medicine!"). Miss Harrington (Verna Felton) returns to once again herald the arrival of Orson Welles (this time Mary greets her with "Hello, Slugger."). Miss Harrington begins insulting Jack, much as every other character she portrayed on the show over the decades would. Orson arrives, accompanied by his fanfare and gong.

Orson seems to have more trouble than usual keeping a straight face and all on account of Jack! Orson asks to observe while Jack rehearses the program, to which Jack relents. Upon remarking he doesn't have a chair, Orson is offered Mary, Don, Phil and Dennis' seats, causing Jack to angrily suggest Orson take his bed. Orson thinks comedy is best when unrehearsed and suggests they only rehearse the musical pieces, ordering Dennis to sing his song.

After Dennis' song, Orson insists Jack is in control; Jack asks Dennis to cut half a minute from his song, but Orson objects; Jack relents and suggests Dennis add half a minute, but Orson objects to this as well; Jack tells Dennis to leave it alone, which Orson also objects to, much to Jack's growing anger, at which point he flubs and calls him "Oris," leading to a great ad-lib:

Jack: "It took him ten years to build up the name Orson Welles, I made it Oris in one second!"

Jack follows this up by stepping on one of Orson's lines, to which he apologizes; it's interesting to note how few flubs there were in the previous five weeks, but now that Jack's back - flubs, ahoy! When Don asks to practice his commercial Jack refuses; this causes Orson to intrude again, and he's so enraptured by Grape Nuts that he basically does Don's commercial for him. Unfortunately, during this Jack protests, "But Oswald!" which might have been a deliberate flub; Orson cracks up again and pauses the commercial to say to Jack in an aside, "Now you know I can't louse up the sponsor's name!" By this point, it sounds like most of the cast and audience have lost it and Orson's attempts at getting back on track only lead to more flubs! Glorious, beautiful flubs!

Frank Nelson's doctor returns and accidentally gives Jack a sleeping pill; Orson volunteers to take Jack's place once again!

And so we leave this look back at the five week phenomenon which was "Jack Benny Without Jack Benny." In 1944 Orson Welles made another stab at comedy with his Radio Almanac series, but bereft of Jack's cast and writers, it didn't pan out. Later in 1943, Orson would once again take over another program for a month when he became the featured player on Suspense for four consecutive broadcasts. As he didn't have a program of his own at the time, it was a neat idea for him to usurp two of the most successful shows of the era and both are memorable outings.

I've spent a lot of years listening to old-time radio and the Jack Benny Program is one of the best series; if you ever want some recommendations, drop me a line!

Jack Benny Without Jack Benny, Part 5 of 6

We have reached Orson's final appearance as host of the Jack Benny Program with this, the April 4, 1943 episode.

Unfortunately, archive.org does not have this episode in their Jack Benny archive, but you can follow along using this link to the episode as prepared for a podcast series on Orson Welles at archive.org (right click the link to download).

The episode opens again with Gilroy & Radcliff's diner as the cast enter the premises one at a time; Radcliff hits Phil with a pie, unable to stand hearing Phil's corny jokes; hiding from Phil, Radcliff again ducks under the counter, bumping his head.

Mary phones up Jack in a one-sided telephone conversation which serves to inform the audience Jack will return for the next week's show; it also sets up next week by revealing how jealous Jack is of Orson. Phil is the cast member most disappointed to hear Orson will be leaving, insisting the two are "cultural buddies" and have a "lend/lease agreement on brains."

Verna Felton returns as Miss Harrington; this time Mary returns her greeting with "Hiya, Muscles." As in last week's broadcast, Orson's entrance is marked by fanfare.

Orson: "Well, uh, Mary what do you hear from Jack? Have you talked to him lately?"

Mary: "Yeah, I just had him on the phone. Jack's feeling fine now and says he'll be back on the show next week."

Orson: "Well!"

Dennis: "Looks like you'll have to hit the road, bub!"

Orson: "Dennis! Naturally, now that Jack feels better he should resume his rightful position. As for myself, I shall fold my tent like an Arab and silently steal away."

Phil: "When you put it that way, Orson, I could sob!"

I can't do Phil's tearful delivery justice; hear it for yourself, I think it gets funnier every time Orson repeats his "fold my tent" dialogue, causing Phil to mourn for him each time.

Once again the diner piece ends with Radcliff ducking under the counter, the gang heading to the studio and Orson uttering "last one to the studio's an old tomato!" Well, it's mostly like the previous week.

Following a jazzy number by Phil's band, Orson repeats his "fold my tent" line, again upsetting Phil.

Orson: "Seriously, I'm going to miss all of you, and if I ever get my own program I'd like to have this gang sign up with me."

Don: "You mean you'd like to have us work for you?"

Orson: "Yes. Of course, I don't know if I could meet the salaries that Jack's been paying you."

Mary: "They're really lousy. Why do you wanna meet them?"

Orson asks them to give him their phone numbers; Phil, Don and Dennis comply but Mary asserts if she gives Orson her number, he's liable to call her up for a date. When Orson insists he wouldn't, she retorts, "then you can't have it."

Orson goes into his announcement on the week's sketch: the cast expect something Shakespearean (Phil suggests "the Taming of the Stew"), but Orson has prepared for them "Little Red Riding Hood."

Phil: "Little Red Riding Hood? Ain't that kinda juvenile for you and me, Orson?"

Orson: "Perhaps, Phil, but I think the kiddies who are listening in and observing this playlet especially for them. Now I will play the part of Old Man Hood, an elderly farmer who lives at the edge of a forest. Mary will be my daughter Red and Dennis will be my son Robin, ha! ...Robin Hood. Are you giggling, kiddies?"

Orson continues the gag of making lousy jokes then addressing the kids in the audience throughout the impending skit. Don will play a tree in the woods ("which only God can make"), Phil is cast as the woodsman. Mary takes a second part as Red's mother and likewise, Orson will be a wolf.

Mary: "In that case, here's my phone number, Baby Face."

Orson: "Thanks, Mary."

Dennis: "This play is really crazy. Mary is her mother and her daughter, Orson is her father and the wolf, and Wilson is a tree that giggles. I worry about things like that!"

Dennis' "I worry about things like that!" is a running gag with a lot of life outside of these guest programs.

Orson: "What are you going to sing tonight?"

Dennis: "A song."

Orson: "A song, that's fine. And what's the name?"

Dennis: "Dennis Day."

Orson: "The name of the song!"

Before Dennis can sing, Rochester phones, but this time his call is preceded with Orson's fanfare! This cracks Orson up for a moment; Rochester is prepared to leave Orson's employ "after four weeks of sheer bliss." In describing his contract with Jack Benny to Orson, Rochester says a lawyer looked at it and declared, "Mr. Lincoln wouldn't like this." Rochester signs off by stealing Orson's "fold my tent" routine, to Orson's chagrin. Following Dennis' song:

Orson: "You have a marvelous voice, there's no getting away from it."

Dennis: "Well, if it's so marvelous, why do you want to get away from it?"

Orson: "I don't want to get away from it, I paid you a compliment, you little brat!"

Dennis: "Oh!"

Orson: "And now, ladies and gentlemen... on second thought, Dennis, here's your phone number back."

The sketch begins, even as Phil points out they never cast the part of the grandmother; Orson promises the grandmother will be a surprise (any long-time fan who recalls the instances where Jack promises a "surprise" bit of casting already knows who grandmother will be). Orson starts the sketch proper with Jack's familiar: "Curtain! Music!"

Orson adopts a scratchy "rube" voice for the role of Red's father - quite a thing to hear a Shakespearean performer attempt! Grandmother calls up and her voice is immediately recognizable as long-time guest star Andy Devine (last heard 3 weeks prior)!

As Red heads over to grandmother's house there's a great sound effects gag as Mary notes the "howling wind" (with accompanying effect) and "falling snow" (to the sound of a jackhammer). Orson re-enters the story declaring, "It's me, kiddies, I'm a wolf now." Don inserts a Grape Nuts commercial as Mary describes the contents of her basket.

At grandmother's house, the wolf threatens to eat her:

Orson: "Hold still! It'll be over in a minute!"

Andy: "Should I take my boots off?"

Orson's attempt to imitate Andy Devine is pretty lousy, but hey, any excuse to have Orson talk in a funny voice. Phil arrives to kill the wolf, but the swallowed Andy protests at being chopped up and thus the skit ends - like so many of Jack's skits - without an ending. I've heard the Jack Benny Program compared to the Muppet Show and in a sense they were kindred programs - both headed by flustered men unable to properly corral the entertainers into the reputable players he wanted.

Orson delivers a farewell at the end of the show, bringing his tenure to an end; Mary whispers in "Good night, Doll" at the last second.

Tomorrow: Jack Benny returned to his show for the April 11, 1943 broadcast but Orson Welles had yet to exit!

Jack Benny Without Jack Benny, Part 4 of 6

We're now at the March 28, 1943 episode of the Jack Benny Program, featuring Orson Welles' third turn at hosting the show, and you can hear he was comfortable by this time.

Follow along by downloading the episode here (right click to get from archive.org).

The episode opens in a diner as the cast meet each other one at a time; the diner staff (Gilroy & Radcliff) are played by the show's own writers, Bill Morrow & Ed Beloin, who each made occasional appearances on the show as extras (including Beloin as Jack's boarder Mr. Bllingsley), occasionally even appearing as Jack's writers!

Vera Felton puts in another appearance as Welles' secretary "Miss Harrington." I really love Mary's response to Miss Harrington's low-voiced greeting: "Hello, Butch." Welles enters the diner accompanied by fanfare and a gong, befitting the pompous caricature of himself he plays on the show. Mary comes on to Orson for the first time, calling him "Baby Face," surely an apt moniker for his Gerber babyesque face in the early 40s. Orson does a repeat of last week's speed reading gag as he reads the evening's script with a single flip through the pages. Disliking the script, Orson orders it burned and intends to write his own material, but Gilroy & Radcliff suggest providing a script of their own making.

There's a running gag about diner employee Radcliff hiding under a counter so Orson won't have to look at him while he's eating; every time Radcliff speaks up, Orson orders him back under the counter, whereupon Radcliff bumps his head. The second time, Radcliff seems to miss his cue and there's dead air for a moment until his next line. The audience cracks up, prompting a quick ad-lib:

Orson: "You waited for that long enough!"

Radcliff: "It hurt!"

Orson: "Sight gag, ladies and gentlemen."

Orson orders everyone to the radio studio with "last one there's a rotten egg," a recurring Jack Benny line. In the studio, there's this gem:

Orson: "By the way, Mary, I've been meaning to ask you: how's Jack coming along, is he over his cold?"

Dennis: "If he was over his cold, you wouldn't be here, brother!"

There's a cute bit between Dennis, Phil & Orson which makes Mary laugh:

Dennis: "Say, Mr. Harris, who invented the telephone?"

Phil: "Well, Alexander Grame invented the Bell, the rest I don't know nothin' about."

Orson: "Mr. Harris, the telephone in its entirety was invented by Alexander Graham Bell. Which I can pronounce."

Gilroy & Radcliff appear with their script, which turns out to be a murder mystery sketch ("Death at Midnight, or the" *gunshot/scream* "Murder Case!"), written in the same style as virtually every other murder mystery script on the Jack Benny Program, the difference being Orson Welles assumes the role of the lead police detective (normally it would be Police Captain O'Benny). Welles assigns Dennis and Phil parts as his sergeants, whereupon Dennis immediately begins protesting his innocence; Welles reminds him he's not playing the killer: "Don't be so sure! It's always the guy you least suspect!" Mary, as usual, plays the widow of the murdered man; in these roles its usually heavily hinted Mary is the killer, yet somehow Jack and the others would overlook all the incriminating evidence against her. Don is cast as the butler, his usual part in these skits.

Rochester makes his pre-skit appearance (as usual), phoning up Orson to complain about how Welles' Chinese cook chopped up a pork chop to use in chop suey.

Orson: "The way you talk you'd think those chops were radium!"

Rochester: "I can get radium tomorrow! Let's see you get some pork chops!"

A wartime rationing gag, that. The Chinese cook ("Chong") talks to Orson, resulting in some of the usual "made-up dialect" jokes which occasionally appeared on the show in those days (ie, kinda racist). After Dennis' song, the skit finally begins.

These "murder mystery" skits usually follow this pattern: Captain O'Benny and his sergeants are in the police station and tell some police/crime gags; Mary phones them to declare her husband has just been murdered - and hints she's the one who killed him; Benny declares he'll solve the crime "or my name ain't--"; they travel by squad car, resulting in jokes over the police radio; arriving at Mary's home they begin their investigation but almost never come up with the culprit (despite Mary's frequent insinuations) and the skits usually collapse around that point, often causing Jack to claim they'll revisit it later (which they almost never did).

In this version, Inspector Welles receives a call from a woman claiming she's about to be murdered - gunfire ensues; "one of those gin rummy arguments," Welles declares. After a bit involving Dennis finding phony dollar bills (Washington is wearing Lincoln's beard), Mary calls up to report her husband's death:

Mary: "I went to the library just now and he was slumped over the radio with the Fred Allen Program going full blast!"

Orson: "Was your husband dead?"

Mary: "He must have been, he didn't turn it off!"

The first Fred Allen joke in three weeks! Even with Jack gone, the "feud" must continue! En route to the murder scene we get a gag about Hedy LaMarr being locked in her closet (which Orson revisits near the end of the episode), then arrive at the house where the butler (being Don) inserts a quick Grape Nuts commercial.

Orson: "Now I think I'll grill Mrs. Crumbdike, I have a hunch she killed her husband. You know that saying, cherchez la femme, don't you?"

Phil: "No, I don't."

Orson: "Well, you ought to learn it, it's all the rage now!"

As Orson begins interrogating Mary, he quickly falls back into the same hammy scene-stealing performing as on the previous week's show, refusing to let Mary utter more than "well..." Dennis arrives with the solution to the crime but unfortunately ate the note it was written on (having come from the diner, it was covered with mayonnaise).

As the show concludes, Mary slips another "good night, Doll" for Jack to hear. Don closes with, "this program was written by Radcliff Morrow and Gilroy Beloin with mayonnaise by Orson Welles!"

Orson made his fourth and final outing as host on the April 4, 1943 episode, which I'll visit tomorrow!

Jack Benny Without Jack Benny, Part 3 of 6

Continuing my look at the five consecutive episodes of Jack Benny without Jack Benny, we find the March 21, 1943 broadcast, Orson Welles' second week as host! Jack's wife Mary Livingstone returns to this show as of this date, having missed two weeks because of Jack's illness; the return of Mary means the entire cast (save Jack himself) has finally been reassembled!

You can hear this episode for yourself here (right click to download from archive.org).

As promised on the previous week, Orson invites the cast of Jack's show (Phil, Mary, Dennis & Don) to come visit him on the set of his new movie. As they arrive, Phil repeats his drawled "Orrrson Welles" bit, while Mary echoes one of Jack's repeated lines about Dennis: "It's no use waiting, I've got to have to have a talk with that kid." However, this time Dennis answers with "any time, any place, sister!"

Frank Nelson repeats the role of "Mr. Toodlequirtle," Welles' secretary (even though Orson supposedly fired him last week). Rochester has now become Orson's valet, allowing him to puncture Orson's ego just as he normally had with Jack. Perhaps my favourite bit during Orson's stay on this program is this exchange with Miss Harrington (Verna Felton):

Miss Harrington: "Here's the next scene we're shooting for your approval."

Orson: "Good, I'll glance over it." *sound effect of a book being flipped through* "Oh, no, no, no. This will never do, only an idiot could compose such drivel."

Miss Harrington: "But Mr. Welles, you wrote this yourself!"

Orson: "Then there's no use waiting, I'll have to have a talk with me. Miss Harrington, take down these changes:"

Miss Harrington: "Yes, Mr. Welles."

Orson: "Instead of a ranch house in Arizona, it shall be a penthouse in New York City; instead of guitars playing softly in the background, I want a thunderstorm with lightning;"

Miss Harrington: "How many bolts?"

Orson: "At least a dozen. And finally, instead of the girl slapping my face when I kiss her, she shall thrust a dagger deep into my bosom and I shall die."

Miss Harrington: "Die! But Mr. Welles, it's only the second reel! Who will handle the rest of the picture?"

Orson: "My ghost. I shall work in whitewash."

Orson arrives on set accompanied by fanfare, playing up his status as the show's number one ham actor. Phil soon irritates Orson by calling him "Orsy."

"Dennis, I have spent years inflating the balloon that is Welles; please do not puncture it."

The above is funnier in hindsight, knowing how soon Welles' frame would expand to Don Wilson-like proportions. "Sometimes I wish I weren't perfect so people would differ with me" is another great pompous Welles line. Welles soon attempts to outdo Don Wilson's commercial for Grape Nuts with "Grape Nuts Flakes, I Love You, an Orson Welles Production!"

Welles again attempts to tamper with the show, this time insisting next week Dennis should sing opera: "the quartet from Rigoletto," with Welles himself providing three of the voices! Welles moves on to speak of his picture: "I've called my story very simply, the March of Destiny; it deals with everything that ever happened." However, hearing his leading lady and male lead have eloped together, Orson asks Mary to be the leading lady.

Orson: "And Phil, you'll be my brother."

Phil: "Your brother! Are we twins?"

Orson: "Heaven forbid."

Orson proceeds to guide Phil and Mary through a scene in which he's supposed to discover his sweetheart in the arms of his brother; Orson claims Mary and Phil will be carrying the scene, but it's Orson who hams it up (beautifully).

Orson: "Mildred! What are you doing here? Answer me, I say! What are you doing in my brother's apartment?"

Mary: "Well..."

Orson: "No explanations are necessary! I have eyes, I'm not blind to what's been going on. I've been madly in love with you, Mildred I should have brought things to a climax long ago, and now, Clarence, what have you got to say?"

Phil: "Well..."

Orson: "Alibis! Alibis, nothing but alibis! To think that the two of you have been together every afternoon for months. Why are you looking at me like that, Mildred? Have you something to tell me? Come, speak up!"

Mary: "Well..."

Orson: "Never mind, I know what you're going to say! You're going to say it's me that you love and that Clarence is just a passing fancy. You're so strangely quiet, why don't you speak up? Is it because your guilt is so obvious?"

Phil: "Well, I..."

Mary: "Wait a minute, that's my line!"

Phil: "Oh, pardon me."

Once Orson finally leaves, allowing Phil and Mary to act a love scene, Orson declares "No, no, no, let's cut that, after my exit the scene is definitely over."

Mary closes the show with a quick, "good night, Doll." Until reading the biographies about Jack, I didn't realize Jack and Mary's pet name for each other was "Doll;" once you know, you start catching it everywhere, especially when one of the two is absent (Jack would often do this for Mary). More of Orson Welles as host of the Jack Benny Program tomorrow as I visit the March 28, 1943 broadcast!

Jack Benny Without Jack Benny, Part 2 of 6

Continuing my look at Jack Benny's 1943 five-week absence from his own series: on March 14, 1943, the Jack Benny Program returned to Hollywood from its tour of New York; unfortunately, the show returned without its star, Jack Benny, who had become ill; further, his wife & fellow performer Mary Livingstone stepped away from the show to be with him. Fortunately, waiting for them in Hollywood was Phil Harris, who had been away in the Merchant Marines for three months. Even better news: the show had found an excellent temporary host in (of all people!) Orson Welles.

Listen along here (right click to download from archive.org).

Phil is barely back on the air before once again indulging in his (intentionally) bad jokes and howling "ain't that a lulu?" Some Jack Benny fans claim the show was at its best during the years when the cast consisted of Jack, Mary, Don, Phil, Rochester & Dennis; personally, I'm easy to please as long as Phil is present (especially if it's pre-Lucky Strikes) - Phil was never funnier than when he performed on the Jack Benny Program and the show lost an awful lot of pizzazz when he exited in the early 50s; as he often said, "let's face it, Jackson - you need me." Forget about Burns and Allen hijacking the previous week - simply having Phil back on the show makes this sound like an authentic episode of the Jack Benny Program.

As Dennis arrives, Phil launches into what becomes a recurring joke during Orson Welles' tenure with the program:

Phil: "Hey kid, have I got news for you! Guess who's taking Jack's place on the program tonight?"

Dennis: "Who?"

Phil: "Orson Welles, that's who! Orrrson Welles!"

You have to hear Phil's drawling enunciation for the full effect. Orson's arrival on the show is preceded by his supposed "private secretary" Miss Harrington, played by Vera Felton, a frequent supporting player on the Benny program (she often played Dennis' mother), then his "out in the open secretary" Toodlequirkle, played by Frank Nelson. The gag here of Orson's arrival being heralded by his personal staff is actually revisiting a joke from Orson's one and only prior appearance on the Jack Benny Program from March 17, 1940, wherein Orson gave Jack lessons on how to be a serious dramatic performer (and to promote Jack's appearance on Orson's show the following week).

I'm not sure how Orson became the substitute for Jack Benny - how anyone even conceived of it as a good idea - but wow, what a choice! Orson's other radio performances don't make much hay out of his comedic possibilities, but he fits the Benny Program method to the T. Jack was constantly made to appear vain, stingy and resentful of others' success, supposedly the least-talented man on his own program. Yet for all that, Jack remained lovable to audiences because they could see through the charade and realize it was all performance; this is why I think George Burns couldn't quite fit the Jack Benny mold when he tried - Gracie Allen was innately more lovable than he.

From practically the start of his career, Orson Welles went through bouts of being either attractive or annoying to the public; eventually in the post-war climate he'd be run out of town as an annoyance, but 1943 found him reasonably well-established in Hollywood; he'd recently appeared in the film Journey Into Fear and seemed to be living down the box office poison which had (unfortunately) been Citizen Kane and the Magnificent Ambersons. For the Benny Program, Orson was granted the opportunity to satirize his public persona as a young genius and renaissance man. Most cleverly, he slid into Jack Benny's place on the program without actually being Benny. Unlike Jack, his character commanded the respect of the cast; unlike Jack, he would be depicted as having serious talent and a wealth of knowledge (things Jack often pretended to possess); yet, Orson was depicted as being so proud of his abilities he would fall into hamming it up, much as Jack would - the cast were more reluctant to call Orson out (they never hesitated with Jack), but it was made clear to the audience that Orson wasn't quite as impressive as he made himself sound.

It's fun to note that while Phil would usually insult Jack, during these episodes Phil craves Orson's approval; Orson, on the other hand, shares Jack's distaste for Phil. It's a neat spin on the Jack-Phil dynamic and works very nicely.

Orson: "That was Yankee Doodle Dandy played by Phil Harris and his orchestra, and Phil, I must say that's a splendid arrangement and brilliantly executed."

Phil: "Orson, you thrill me."

Orson: "I'm glad. However, if you don't mind a suggestion, a little more andante and pianissimo in the penultimate passage would have enhanced the orchestral overtones. Is that clear?"

Phil: "No, but them big words send me like a slug of bourbon!"

After a visit from Mel Blanc, Orson begins demanding changes to the show - instructing Phil to multiply his orchestra "tenfold," including "a gross of piccolos."

Don: "But Orson, who's going to pay for all this?"

Orson: "Jack Benny, of course."

Don: "Jack Benny?"

Orson: "Yes, and he'll be glad to do it."

Dennis: "You can't be thinking of the Jack Benny we know!"

Orson: "There'll be no trouble, I spoke to Jack on the long-distance phone yesterday; he told me money was no object."

Phil: "Lemme ask ya somethin' Orson, who paid for that call?"

Orson: "Come to think of it, I did. Uh, take a note, Miss Harrington: the piccolos are out."

Following a good piece about Dennis' salary which ends with him being assigned Orson's laundry, Andy Devine arrives; Andy had been a recurring performer on the Benny Program during the late 30s but still made irregular appearances on the show at this date - surely his appearance in this episode was prompted by Jack's illness, to further prop up the Jack Benny Program as Jack's show, even if he wasn't there.

Andy tells a joke to Orson about him dating Rita Hayworth; however, later in 1943 Orson himself wound up marrying Rita (I'm not sure if they were dating at the time of this show, but it wouldn't surprise me). Orson's next attempt at ruling over the show causes him to suggest Don Wilson be the program's singer instead of Dennis Day; when Don refuses, Orson considers himself as the show's singer, but realizing this might "look egotistical," he allows Dennis to sing (but wants Don to begin singing lessons).

After Dennis' song, there's a good bit where Orson demands his picture be plastered on boxes of Grape Nuts, the sponsor's product. This actually revisits a joke Jack began the previous fall when he inherited Grape Nuts from Kate Smith and spent a few weeks complaining to the sponsor about Smith's picture being on the box instead of him; of course, Orson's suggestions are far more pretentious than Jack's ("I shall be dressed in tights with a spear in my hand.").

"Next, instead of 12 ounces of tiny, individual Grape Nuts flakes, I think each box should contain one huge 12 ounce flake."

Don asks to see Orson filming one of his movies and Orson responds by inviting the cast to his set (as shall be heard in the next broadcast). While Orson had many projects in the works, I'm not sure what he might have really been working on at the time - appearing in Jane Eyre, perhaps? Finally, Rochester phones up Orson; Rochester frequently would appear late in the program at this time (unless the cast had a skit, in which case he would phone Jack prior to the sketch). This week, Rochester claims to be with Jack in Chicago, although he'll soon "return" to Hollywood and spend some time working for Orson. After the call, Orson relents on the idea of taking Jack's place on the Grape Nuts box - instead he'll "permit" Jack to appear on the box: "he can carry the spear for me."

Orson closes with his "your obedient servant, Orson Welles" sign-off, immediately before sending a get-well wish to Jack.

In all, Phil, Don, Dennis & Rochester being joined by familiar supporting actors (Frank Nelson, Vera Felton, Mel Blanc, Andy Devine) and Orson filling in Jack's spot on the show renders this broadcast true to spirit of the Jack Benny Program, despite Jack's utter absence. Orson would continue to host for three more weeks until Jack's return; tomorrow: the March 21, 1943 episode, featuring the return of Mary Livingstone!

Jack Benny Without Jack Benny, Part 1 of 6

Although I'm a former freelancer from the world of comics and the vast majority of my posts on this blog relate to the subject of comics, it's interesting to me that my single largest readership has come from the Amazing Race; also interesting is how much attention my old-time radio posts accrue, especially over time. As I've given up on the Amazing Race, instead I'll take a look at old-time radio for the next six blog posts.

You wouldn't think there could be much to say about old-time radio comedy - especially broken down into six installments about six consecutive broadcasts of the same show. Yet, here I am to talk to you about my favourite radio comedy series: the Jack Benny Program!

Performing live comedy in the 30s & 40s often meant real life intruded on the material - the sudden unavailability of cast members, muffed dialogue on the air, ad-libs and so forth. From March 7-April 4, 1943, Jack Benny missed five consecutive episodes of his own program due to illness. Due to various other unfortunate bits of timing, this should have been a crippling moment for the series - the program was appearing in New York rather than Hollywood, meaning many of the show's supporting players were absent; bandleader Phil Harris left the series the previous June to join the Merchant Marines, removing another pivotal performer from the show; further, Jack's wife Mary Livingstone remained with him during this first week of illness. And yet, ultimately, this led to an extremely memorable run of shows - Jack Benny Without Jack Benny, to coin a phrase.

You can download a copy of this episode from archive.org here (right click the link).

We begin with the March 7, 1943 show, in which Jack's very close friends George Burns and Gracie Allen head the program as they finish their U.S.O. broadcasting tour from New York. Being close friends of Jack & Mary's who had appeared on the program in the past and being similarly available in New York, Burns and Allen might seem on paper to be perfect fill-ins for Jack and Mary. But were they?

Burns and Allen actually struggled in radio for some time before finding their footing. Although by 1943 they had found a winning formula (situation comedy), it wasn't the same formula used on the Jack Benny Program (and I'm of the opinion when Benny's show later became a sitcom, it was inferior to the earlier run - not bad, merely inferior). Burns and Allen actually had a run at an M.C.-led comedy stage show very similar to Jack's - George essentially took put-downs from the other cast members (as Jack did), the bandleader was seemingly more popular than him, there were quarrels with the commercial spokesman - very much like the format of the Jack Benny Program. And it didn't work; I mean, the material wasn't particularly funny, but Burns later stated it was the wrong material for he and Gracie - the jokes were "too young" for them while the more relaxed situation comedy scenario suited them well. It's worth noting Burns had a limitation placed on him which Jack didn't have - Jack could verbally spar with his wife (Mary) without necessarily losing his audience, but George found whenever he tried to spar with Gracie, audiences considered him "cruel"; again, the gentler format of situation comedy allowed them to flourish, albeit by making George much less important to their show - usually Gracie drove the plots and took the laughs. It's interesting that while George and Gracie "outgrew" their original combative format and thereafter performed as a happy husband and wife, Jack & Mary kept up the farce of being unmarried all the way to the end.

With Jack, Mary and Phil absent, the Jack Benny Program retained only half of their regular players:

1. Don Wilson, the rotund and erudite commercial announcer
2. Dennis Day, the young-ish and naive tenor
3. Eddie "Rochester" Anderson, Jack's put-upon valet

Although Jack's show became a hit through advertising Jell-o, the previous fall their sponsor (General Foods) switched Jack to promoting the cereals Grape Nuts & Grape Nuts Flakes due to sugar rationing; it seemed harder for them to come up with jokes about Grape Nuts than it had been with Jell-o, but at least at this point the commercials were still quite funny (Jack's later sponsor Lucky Strikes would do its best to replace charming ads with frustrating and obnoxious ones). Interestingly, George & Gracie had previously been on the radio for Grape Nuts (their sponsor in '43 was Swan Soap); also of note, they had left NBC for CBS in 1941, hence why Don Wilson has to refer to them appearing on "another network" when he promotes them in this episode.

It must be said up front, this episode of the Jack Benny Program is really a bonus episode of the George Burns and Gracie Allen Show. George and Gracie brought with them their own product pitchman (Bill Goodwin), bandleader (Paul Whiteman) and "Herman the Duck" (Clarence Nash, using his Donald Duck voice), plus Gracie's best friend Tootsie Sagwell (Elvia Allman). The presence of Don, Dennis & Rochester is like a weird anomaly in the midst of a fairly-typical Burns and Allen plot.

The plot of the episode is somewhat-meta (as Benny's show often was) as Don Wilson sets out to bring George & Gracie on Jack's show, but Gracie has developed pretenses of being an "artist" and refuses. Even with Jack gone, jokes about his stinginess continue, the first being:

Don: "Naturally he knows that your time is valuable and he doesn't expect you to do it for nothing."

George: "Oh, now Don..."

Don: "He wants me to tell you that while he's lying bed, he'll knit you a muffler."

George: "Ah, good old Jack."

Don: "Now all you have to do is buy the knitting needles and four balls of yarn."

George: "Isn't four balls of yarn a lot of yarn for a muffler?"

Don: "Oh, Jack wants one too!"

George takes a moment to reflect on the material Jack uses, noting "hm!" "yipe!" and "I do not Mary, and shut up!" always seem to get laughs; of course, George doesn't even attempt to deliver these lines as Jack would have.

Soon after, Gracie seems to breeze past what could have been a decent joke - responding to Don about how much George would like to appear on Jack's program, Gracie answers: "I don't know why - George doesn't know a soul in St. Joe." If Jack had been present, there would surely have been one of his recurring "St. Joe! They love me there!" lines, but Gracie says it so quickly the audience doesn't have time to react.

Instead of the usual format integrating the arrival of the show's performers on the scene one at a time to banter with Jack, we have only the opening vignette with Don, George and Gracie - Paul Whiteman then, from out of nowhere, introduces Dennis' song (Whiteman does likewise with his own numbers - just as he did on Burns & Allen). However, Bill Goodwin gets a good introduction, mocking Don Wilson (calling him "fat boy") when he thinks he'll get to be the announcer on Jack's program. Don overhears this and they have a good back and forth with Bill managing to sneak in some veiled references to Swan Soap while Don does his Grape Nuts commercial.

Next up, Gracie goes into a routine with her "son," Herman the Duck, when Rochester appears and is instantly smitten with Herman, whom he identifies as "poultry" (probably a joke about black people enjoying fried chicken).

Gracie: "That's my little son, Herman."

Rochester: "Uh, son?"

Gracie: "Well, yes, don't you think he looks like his daddy?"

Rochester: "Don't believe I ever met the bird!"

Rochester's incredulous attitude toward Herman being Gracie's "son" while simultaneously sizing up "the fat little rascal" for dinner is pretty good. After the next musical number, Dennis joins the story properly and does his usual schtick of being a terrible suck-up (laughing at George when he's not being funny) and completely scatterbrained (much like Gracie). Dennis and Gracie's shared naivete makes for some funny material as he (barely) tries to convince her to appear on Jack's show:

Dennis: "I don't blame you, Miss Allen! Mr. Benny says some terrible things about your brother Fred!"

Gracie: "Oh, no, Fred's not my brother, Dennis! And please, don't call me 'Miss Allen.' I've been Mrs. Burns since one day years ago when a tall, handsome, charming man came along and pronounced George and me man and wife."

Rather than convincing Gracie to appear on the show, Dennis is soon swayed to Gracie's side, impressed at meeting an "intellectual."

Gracie: "Dennis, you're the first person I've met who's my intellectual equal."

Dennis: "I guess there aren't many of us."

Just as Gracie believes she should be a concert pianist, she convinces Dennis could be a poet. Dennis' poetry recital is about as lousy as Gracie's playing, while Gracie's friend Tootsie arrives and, believing she could be a singer, is likewise swayed by Gracie into thinking she's talented. Ultimately, the three of them crash George's attempt to run the program and simultaneously offer terrible reciting, terrible singing and terrible piano playing. A defeated George apologizes: "Honestly, Jack, I did the best I could."

This program is really a mere oddity in the broadcast history of the Jack Benny Program, but I'm covering it for the sake of building up to tomorrow's post, where I'll examine the 2nd of 5 consecutive episodes Jack missed. Tomorrow, the March 14th episode: the show returns to Hollywood, Phil Harris returns and they find a guest host who is - shockingly - a great replacement for Jack. Orson Welles. That's right, Orrrson Welles.